The Teevee
Television
Here is something that The Luddite is told is remarkable. He does not have cable TV.
That’s right. In this world of multiple channels, The Luddite does not have cable TV and has not had it for over a year. He has never seen an episode of The Sopranos. He has never seen The Real World. Except for a rerun of Fear Factor that The Luddite saw while doing the laundry, he has never seen reality TV.
The idea was so shocking to a fellow at the local cable company when he called to tell me about their dynamite product and how superior it was to a satellite dish, that he nearly had a heart attack. It went something like this:
Cable Person: Good morning, Mr. Olson. I’m [identifies himself] and I’d like to take a moment to explain to our programming to you and how much better it is than anything you might be getting through a dish. Do you have a satellite provider?
Me: No.
Cable Person: Well, congratulations. Who is your cable provider?
Me: No one.
Cable Provider: I mean who supplies your town with cable TV?
Me: I don’t know.
Cable Provider: Well, they must send out a bill, sir. Who do you make the check out to?
Me: Nobody.
Cable Provider: [long pause] You mean you don’t have cable?
Me: That’s right.
Cable Provider: [disbelieving] Not even Basic?
Me: No.
Cable Provider: [rattled but trying to rally] Well, would you consider signing up with us?
Me: No.
Cable Provider: Why not, sir?
Me: Because the $40 a month I’d pay for your product goes for groceries. It’s more important to me to eat.
Cable Provider: Well we have some very exciting packages available.
Me. Not exciting enough for my grocer to take in trade.
Cable Provider: Excuse me?
Me: Look, the simple fact is that I don’t want anything you have to offer. When I was living in a condo, I could afford it. Now that I have a house, I can’t. I have an aerial hooked up to this house and to my set. I can get everything I want through the air with that. All I have to do is sit through some commercials and I have a remote to mute those. What do I want with your product?
Cable Provider: Well we have channels for specialized interests….
Me: I’m sure you do, but that doesn't make my life any better.
Cable Provider: [stubbornly] But out terms are very reasonable.
Me: Choosing between eating and watching a rerun on The Cartoon Channel does not sound very reasonable to me. [Hangs up.]
The Luddite was not kidding. He simply cannot afford cable. Cable folk would disagree, but it’s true. After a year of doing without, he doesn’t really miss it either. He still stays up on current events--although he does not know lots culturally--but he makes his mortgage payments regularly, he can afford to fix his car and he even votes, which a lot of you folks who have cable are apparently too damn busy to get around doing. [UPDATE: This was written before the '04 Election. Well, you proved me wrong there. Bet you don't vote in '08. The Luddite sure will.]
Life is actually pretty decent without cable. Really. You should try it for a year sometime. The rates would probably drop precipitously as more and more people left. The Luddite does not expect people will actually DO this, but he’s been doing just fine without it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m in the middle of Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring, which is not a bad read for a 42-year-old book about pesticides.
Here is something that The Luddite is told is remarkable. He does not have cable TV.
That’s right. In this world of multiple channels, The Luddite does not have cable TV and has not had it for over a year. He has never seen an episode of The Sopranos. He has never seen The Real World. Except for a rerun of Fear Factor that The Luddite saw while doing the laundry, he has never seen reality TV.
The idea was so shocking to a fellow at the local cable company when he called to tell me about their dynamite product and how superior it was to a satellite dish, that he nearly had a heart attack. It went something like this:
Cable Person: Good morning, Mr. Olson. I’m [identifies himself] and I’d like to take a moment to explain to our programming to you and how much better it is than anything you might be getting through a dish. Do you have a satellite provider?
Me: No.
Cable Person: Well, congratulations. Who is your cable provider?
Me: No one.
Cable Provider: I mean who supplies your town with cable TV?
Me: I don’t know.
Cable Provider: Well, they must send out a bill, sir. Who do you make the check out to?
Me: Nobody.
Cable Provider: [long pause] You mean you don’t have cable?
Me: That’s right.
Cable Provider: [disbelieving] Not even Basic?
Me: No.
Cable Provider: [rattled but trying to rally] Well, would you consider signing up with us?
Me: No.
Cable Provider: Why not, sir?
Me: Because the $40 a month I’d pay for your product goes for groceries. It’s more important to me to eat.
Cable Provider: Well we have some very exciting packages available.
Me. Not exciting enough for my grocer to take in trade.
Cable Provider: Excuse me?
Me: Look, the simple fact is that I don’t want anything you have to offer. When I was living in a condo, I could afford it. Now that I have a house, I can’t. I have an aerial hooked up to this house and to my set. I can get everything I want through the air with that. All I have to do is sit through some commercials and I have a remote to mute those. What do I want with your product?
Cable Provider: Well we have channels for specialized interests….
Me: I’m sure you do, but that doesn't make my life any better.
Cable Provider: [stubbornly] But out terms are very reasonable.
Me: Choosing between eating and watching a rerun on The Cartoon Channel does not sound very reasonable to me. [Hangs up.]
The Luddite was not kidding. He simply cannot afford cable. Cable folk would disagree, but it’s true. After a year of doing without, he doesn’t really miss it either. He still stays up on current events--although he does not know lots culturally--but he makes his mortgage payments regularly, he can afford to fix his car and he even votes, which a lot of you folks who have cable are apparently too damn busy to get around doing. [UPDATE: This was written before the '04 Election. Well, you proved me wrong there. Bet you don't vote in '08. The Luddite sure will.]
Life is actually pretty decent without cable. Really. You should try it for a year sometime. The rates would probably drop precipitously as more and more people left. The Luddite does not expect people will actually DO this, but he’s been doing just fine without it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m in the middle of Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring, which is not a bad read for a 42-year-old book about pesticides.
posted by S. Olson at 8:06 AM
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